Many of my weight loss coaching clients feel like their relationship with food is more complicated than it should be. You might find yourself thinking about food constantly or feeling guilty for eating certain things or swinging between good days and bad days. You might try your hardest to be healthy through the week and then find yourself overeating at the weekend. Or maybe you feel like you should know better by now but the same patterns keep showing up.
You are not alone. Many people have an unhealthy relationship with food without ever realising it because these patterns feel normal or they have been around for years. They might have started with a diet you followed years ago or your busy lifestyle or messages from childhood or habits picked up in stressful periods of life. None of this means something is wrong with you. It simply means your relationship with food has been shaped by your environment and your experiences.
A healthy relationship with food is not about perfection. It is about freedom. It is about eating with confidence rather than fear. It is about enjoying food without guilt. It is about structure without strict rules. And it is about feeling in control in a calm and realistic way rather than relying on willpower or trying to be disciplined every day.
This blog will help you understand whether your relationship with food is helping you or holding you back and what steps you can take to improve it.
This blog is not about diagnosing or treating eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia. If you think you may have an eating disorder, please speak to your GP or a specialist service such as BEAT.
What An Unhealthy Relationship With Food Actually Means
A lot of people use phrases like bad relationship with food or poor relationship with food but they rarely stop to define what that actually means. You do not need a diagnosis to recognise that something feels off. Most people with an unhelpful or unhealthy relationship with food simply have patterns that make eating harder than it needs to be. These show up in thoughts, behaviours, habits and emotions.
Here are some common examples of what an unhealthy relationship with food can look like:
- Guilt after eating
You eat something enjoyable and feel guilty almost immediately. It might be chocolate or crisps or a takeaway or anything you view as off plan. The guilt feels bigger than the food itself. - All or nothing thinking
You have good days and bad days. You are either on track or completely off it. You start again every Monday. One biscuit ruins the whole day. This is one of the biggest signs of an unhelpful relationship with food. - Restricting then overeating
Many people eat very little during the day then overeat at night. Others hold back way too many calories through the week then eat far more at the weekend. This is extremely common and does not mean you lack discipline. It usually means your approach is too restrictive. - Fear of certain foods
You avoid carbs or bread or pasta or chocolate because you do not feel like you can control yourself around them. You might even avoid having some foods in the house because you worry you will eat them all. - Secret eating
You eat differently when alone. You might hide wrappers or wait until no one is around. This behaviour is often linked to guilt rather than hunger. - Thinking about food constantly
A big sign of an unhealthy relationship with food is feeling like your brain is always busy thinking about what to eat, what not to eat, whether you have blown it or how you should make up for something. - Using food to cope with emotions
This might happen after a stressful day or a tiring week. You feel overwhelmed and food helps you switch off. Emotional eating is normal occasionally but when it becomes a regular pattern, it often signals a strained relationship with food. - Eating on autopilot
You snack without noticing. You pick at things while cooking. You open the fridge and you are not sure why. These behaviours are usually linked to tiredness, boredom or stress rather than hunger. - Strong rules around food
You only allow yourself certain foods at certain times. You clean up your diet after a holiday. You create food rules that are hard to follow which sets you up for inconsistency.
These patterns are incredibly common and most people have experienced at least one of them. They are not always signs of an eating disorder. They are signs that your relationship with food has been shaped by dieting, stress, life changes and lack of structure. And the good news is that they can be improved with simple, realistic changes.
The Causes Behind an Unhealthy Relationship With Food
Your relationship with food does not happen in a vacuum. It is shaped by years of experiences, dieting attempts, beliefs, environments and emotions. Understanding the causes helps you see that your habits are not personal failings. They are learned patterns. And anything learned can be unlearned.
Dieting and Restrictive Approaches
One of the biggest causes of an unhealthy relationship with food is dieting. Many people have spent years following diets that cut out entire food groups or promote rules that are impossible to maintain. Slimming clubs, shake diets, detox teas, meal replacement plans and strict clean eating trends may contribute to fear around food for some people.
When you restrict too heavily, your brain becomes more focused on the foods you are avoiding. This makes you crave them more. When you eventually eat them, you feel out of control which reinforces the belief that you cannot be trusted around certain foods. Over time, this cycle creates an unhealthy relationship with food because you associate eating with worry and guilt rather than nourishment and enjoyment.
Busy Lives and Lack of Structure
Many people eat emotionally or overeat at night simply because they do not have a consistent routine. Skipping breakfast, rushing through lunch or grabbing snacks on the go means you end up too hungry later in the day. When you reach that point, your body drives you to eat quickly and often more than you intended.
This is not a lack of willpower. It is a lack of structure. Busy people with demanding jobs or families often fall into this pattern, especially if they are trying to multitask or manage stress.
Stress and Low Sleep
When you are stressed, your appetite changes. You may crave high comfort foods or quick energy. When you are tired, your hunger hormones shift and you naturally eat more. An unhealthy relationship with food can develop simply because you are exhausted. The more tired you are, the harder it is to make grounded decisions around food.
Menopause and Hormonal Changes
Hormonal shifts during perimenopause and menopause can change hunger levels, cravings and emotional responses. You might feel hungrier at certain times or more drawn to sweet foods. You might find your weight changes even when your habits are the same. These shifts can create frustration and lead to unhelpful patterns if you do not understand what is happening.
Emotional Eating and Coping
Food is comforting. It gives us relief. It helps us unwind after a stressful day. The issue is not that you occasionally eat emotionally. The issue is when emotional eating becomes your main coping strategy. This can create an unhealthy relationship with food because the behaviour is driven by feelings rather than hunger.
Childhood Messages
Many adults carry beliefs about food that came from childhood. You might have been told to clear your plate or rewarded with treats or encouraged to hurry up. These messages create patterns that last decades. They are not your fault but they do influence how you view food today.
The Weekend Cycle
Many people have a healthy routine during the week then pendulum swing at the weekend. Alcohol, takeaways, social events and late nights all play a role. But often the bigger issue is that people restrict too tightly during the week which leads to overeating when the pressure lifts.
Signs You Might Have an Unhealthy Relationship With Food
The signs can be subtle but once you see them, they are hard to ignore. These are everyday signs that your relationship with food is not supporting you.
- You feel guilty after eating certain foods
- You think about food more than feels normal
- You have weekday rules and weekend chaos
- You avoid keeping certain foods in the house
- You label foods as good or bad
- You regularly start again on Monday
- You eat differently when alone
- You eat quickly and realise afterwards you were not even hungry
- You skip meals then overeat later
- You feel like you cannot relax around certain foods
- You feel out of control at buffets or social events
- You go through periods of being very strict then periods of overeating
These signs do not mean anything is wrong with you. They simply show that your approach to eating is shaped by habits that no longer serve you.
How To Fix Your Relationship With Food
Repairing your relationship with food is not about discipline. It is about small consistent changes that help you feel calmer, more confident and more in control. These steps are realistic, sustainable and suitable for everyday life.
Add Structure Rather Than Restriction
One of the most effective ways to heal your relationship with food is to create a steady routine. This means eating regular meals with protein at each one and avoiding long gaps where your hunger builds too much. Structure reduces overeating because your body feels safe and regulated
A simple pattern is:
- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner
- and one or two planned snacks.
This pattern helps reduce evening overeating and stops the cycle of restricting then binging.
Remove Food Rules
Instead of banning foods, include them in a controlled and comfortable way. You are allowed to enjoy chocolate, bread, pasta and the foods you love. When they are not forbidden, they lose their power. Removing food rules helps you find balance rather than swinging between extremes.
Bring Awareness Back
Awareness is different from tracking obsessively. Awareness means noticing hunger levels, stress levels, boredom triggers and where your environment influences your choices. You might notice that you eat more when you are tired or that you graze when food is visible on the counter. Awareness helps you change these patterns without judgement.
Normalise Treats
A healthy relationship with food includes enjoyment. The goal is not to remove treats but to enjoy them without fear. You can fit in chocolate, biscuits, takeaways and anything else if the majority of your meals follow a regular structure. This reduces guilt and helps you feel more in control.
Build Simple Skills
Meal planning, smart food shopping and having easy meals available makes eating feel easier. You do not need fancy recipes. You need meals that are quick, satisfying and balanced. When you have options available, you rely less on willpower and more on routine.
Practise Urge Surfing
Urges to eat emotionally usually rise like a wave and fall again. You do not have to act on them instantly. You can pause and ride the wave. This does not mean ignoring hunger. It means understanding whether the urge comes from emotion or appetite. This simple technique helps reduce emotional eating over time.
Be Patient With Yourself
Your relationship with food did not form overnight. It is a collection of years of experiences. Be patient and kind to yourself as you make changes. Celebrate small wins and recognise progress in your behaviour as well as your weight loss.
Know When To Seek Help
If you think you may have an eating disorder or if your relationship with food feels overwhelming, please speak to a GP or specialist service. Getting support is a sign of strength. This blog covers everyday eating patterns rather than conditions that require medical guidance.
How Coaching Helps Improve Your Relationship With Food
Working with a weight loss coach or fitness coach can make a huge difference because you are not trying to figure everything out alone. Coaching provides structure, accountability, realistic guidance and personalised strategies that work for your life. Instead of falling into old dieting patterns, you build consistent habits that create confidence and long term results.
You get clarity on what to eat, how much, how often and how to manage emotional triggers. You learn to build a healthy relationship with food that does not rely on deprivation or extreme rules. And you get support as you go through the ups and downs of real life.
If you would like help with this, you can book a free consultation here:
We will talk about your goals, what you are struggling with and what support would help you feel calmer and more confident around food.
FAQs
Is emotional eating normal?
Yes. Everyone does it occasionally. It becomes a problem when it becomes the main way you cope with stress or when it leads to guilt.
How do I stop overeating at night?
Create structure through the day. Eat enough earlier on. Include protein at each meal. And have a balanced evening meal so you are not starving.
How do I stop thinking about food all the time?
Often this happens when you are under eating or following rules. When you remove restriction and add structure, food thoughts usually calm down.
What does a healthy relationship with food look like?
It looks like balance, flexibility, confidence and routine. You can enjoy food without guilt. You can eat without feeling out of control. And you can make choices that align with your goals without needing perfection.
